50 ways to Survive Farnham
For some unknown reason, you’ve found yourself in Farnham town and at a first glance it’s a nice and peaceful countryside town. However, this image is a deception because in reality the place wishes to snare weary travellers. My advice would be to leave now and visit a far safer place, but if you’re determined to stay I advice you follow these fifty ways to survive Farnham.
1) Stay away from the Cafés. All food and drink in Farnham is exceptionally over priced and you’ll need the money for the journey home.
2) Never Drive. Never travel by car in Farnham because you will never find a parking spot and be forever trapped in a traffic jam.
3) Don’t rely on the bus service. Ignore the bus stop signs in Farnham or you’ll be waiting for a bus that will never arrive.
4) Use the Train Station. When travelling on foot always use the train station for escape, it will take you back to civilization or Aldershot.
5) Stay off the roads. Or middle class mothers in Landrovers will run you down.
6) Never stay longer than a day. If you stay longer than 24hours you’ll start to age uncontrollably until you’re too feeble to leave.
7) Never trust the residents. The folk of Farnham are notorious liars and will only give out false advice.
8) Ask the Pigeons. If you’re looking for something in particular ask the pigeons they are both wise and noble creatures.
9) Watch your step. Be careful of what you do or say in Farnham, it is watching you.
10) Don’t fall asleep. Farnham is filled with art students who prey on sleepy travellers for their art show and sculptures.
11) Follow Mad Eric. If your lost and wish to find the train station we advice following Mad Eric but don’t get too close or he’ll whack you with his cane.
12) The town is haunted. Be wary of troublesome ghosts, they roam the streets at night looking for a victim to trick.
13) Stay away from Demonic mice. The vermin in Farnham are hellish creatures stay away from them or *slide of demonic mouse eating the guide*
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